A few years back, my brother and I started compiling a loose list of all the actors who were featured in movies set in space and looked super awkward for having taken the job. For whatever reason, they were just too Earthbound and wound up looking silly. Once we exhausted the list of actors who already made the mistake, we expanded the list to actors who should never, under any circumstance, take a space gig. It became something of a running game. We’d come out of a movie and say, “You know, Sandra Bullock could be in space.” Try it yourself sometime.
I’ve forgotten a great deal of the list, but here’s our chance to build it anew. We dubbed the list Don Cheadle In Space, because he was the first guy on it and it just sounded funny.
Actors Who Should Have Never Gone Into Outer Space
- Don Cheadle (Mission To Mars)
- Tim Robbins (Mission To Mars again!)
- Julia Roberts (Notting Hill)
- Kirk Douglas (Saturn 3)
- George Clooney (Solaris)
Actors Who Should Never Take Space Gigs
- Jack Nicholson
- Hugh Grant
- Colin Firth
- John Cusack
- Emma Thompson
- All the Sex And The City ladies
- Jim Carrey (Earth Girls Are Easy we’ll forget about)
- Robert Deniro
Harrison Ford would make this list now, even though he scored his fame in Star Wars. Raiders Of The Lost Ark pulled his screen persona right back down into the dust. Since Deniro is on there, we might as well throw Al Pacino on there, as well. It’s hard to imagine him as anything but a cop in this stage of his career and a space cop is just bad juju. Even though this is an actor’s list, I’m going to mention director Tim Burton as someone who should have never directed in space. I think we can all agree on that.
Who do you think would be best served by not donning a space helmet, firing a blaster, or uttering the phrase, “Phasers locked on target”?
Or, heaven forbid, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”